R.I.P. Sofabed

My sofabed survived over two decades of regular and irregular wear and tear.  When my family first purchased it, custom made from a distant family member who designs furniture, Reagan was still in office and I still thought I was going to make it in the N.B.A.  Since then it has moved numerous times, with my parents, then to me while living in Virginia, then back to my parents, and finally to my apartment in New York.  Now that it is undesirable as a sofa and a bed, I finally decided to put it out of its misery.  I desperately tried to pawn it off on Craigslist and wrote the following, hoping that someone would enjoy the ad enough to take it off my hands.

Free sofabed…and $10 cash! (Upper West Side)

Reply to: sale-aj9ug-1078937215@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-17, 11:40AM EDT

I need to get rid of my sofabed. I know, you want a sofa badly and are willing to pay any price…and look, here’s a free one! And not only that, I will pay you $10 to come pick it up! That’s right, ten whole dollars…that’s almost one free movie ticket, and a free sofa! What a deal, right? Wrong. Before you race to reply, spilling your coffee on your keyboard in hopes of becoming the first in line to get this treasure (and the cash) let me try and convince you why you don’t want this sofa:
1. The upholstery is worn a bit. Generally it’s pretty good, however…
2. The cushions are almost all ripped. Don’t even think about flipping them to hide the rips, I did that years ago. Now there are rips on both sides.

3. It may be the most uncomfortable bed in the history of sofabeds. All night your guest will think about that bar rigidly set in the middle of their back. The last few people with the honor of sleeping on that couch quickly elected to fold it back up and sleep on the cushions. Which partially explains #1 and 2.

4. The sofabed is 20 years old. That’s a lot of ass.

5. This sofabed was originally used by my family in Virginia. If you still hold a grudge from The Civil War, this is not the item of furniture for you.

6. You would be responsible for moving it. It will take two strong people, at least. Maybe 3.

Don’t care, and are still interested? How about this:

7. Oh, I live in a fourth floor….walkup. Yeah, so there’s that.

Still interested in the sofa? Then by all means, send me an email. Oh, and the $10 is payable once the sofabed is safely in your vehicle. What am I, an idiot? I’m not shelling out $10 for you to abandon that couch.

Oh, and it needs to move by March 27th. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

No one took it, although one college student came close, until he realized he wasn’t going to be able to walk it the ¾ of a mile to his place.  That said, I received dozens of hilarious replies.  Here are a few of my favorites, printed verbatim:

 
* Well you made my crack up! Then you made my friends crack up at the bar! I showed them on my phone. Well good luck and quit yourday job and do some stand up.
<{{{><La-Shonda a.k.a. Gods Mvp ><}}}>

 

* ROLMAO THAT IS THE MOST FUNNIEST POST I EVER READ  LMAO CANNOT STOP GIGGLING  IN HISTERICS ROLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

* JAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJJAJA thank you very much ! you made me laugh:) and that is priceless!
but, I hear you are moving? well , mee too. I am moving out of the country and I am selling everything I have…. so if you need a new sofabed, which I am sure you do! well, write me back to XXXXXX@yahoo.com  for a picture of the sofabed, or any other Item you are interested in.

 

* Wow.. you have to pay $10 to get rid of it? What if you dissassemble it and throw it out the window? No really, just have someone watch for pedestrians.

 

* What am I, an idiot?  YEAH I REALLY THINK U R

 I’m not shelling out $10 for you to abandon that couch.

 

*NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT ! 

 

but my girlfriend and I would be glad to get those 10 bucks… 5 $ each… we could get 2 dinner in chinatown to celebrate our 1st anniversary !  

 

Or I could ask her to give me her 5 bucks and i could buy one string for my guitar ! 

 

anyway… 

 

Thx for yourd add dude, we had great fun reading it ! 🙂 

 

Good luck to get rid of that  !  

 

Peace 

 

Au & Stef

 
* I dont want your sofabed but can I just tell you that you have the  
best craigslist ad ever can we be best friends? hahaha

 

Thanks to some good and loyal friends, the sofabed was removed this weekend and now, hopefully, is the property of the New York Department of  Sanitation.

 

Rest In Pieces, Sofabed

 sad-couch

 

1988 – 2009


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